Loveology
by Janers
Summary: As Lily and Severus' friendship deteriorates, the Marauders' antics lead to both Lily and James becoming involved with the last person they would have ever expected.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. JKR owns Harry Potter, Regina Spektor owns the title song, and I'm a poor college student so please don't sue me. Enjoy!

Lily Evans strode up the street, tugging her muffler tighter around her mouth to shield against inhaling the sharp, cold air, and the resultant clouds that issued when she exhaled, like fragile ghosts of dragon's fire. There was no need to check the house numbers as she passed; it was the one on the very end with the oddly peaked roof and slightly discolored paint. She ascended the front stairs gingerly, careful to avoid the patch of rotten wood on the second step, and knocked timidly on the narrow door. It opened to reveal a slight boy with unkempt black hair, who grinned upon seeing her.

"Happy Christmas, Sev!" Lily said, her cold-flushed cheeks spreading into a smile to match his. Severus Snape darted a quick glance over his shoulder, and then stepped outside to join her, closing the door behind him.

"It's Boxing Day," he said dryly.

"I know that, silly. I couldn't get away yesterday; you know how Mum gets about Christmas. But I'm here now, and I've brought you a lovely present, so don't be cross with me."

Severus flicked his matted hair out of his eyes. "I couldn't be cross with you if I tried. You're so disgustingly delightful; I'll bet you eat Cheering Charms for breakfast."

"Severus!" Lily gave him a playful shove which he accepted with a small smile that was simultaneously bashful and sly. It flashed across his face for an instant, before he returned to his usual neutral, sullen expression.

"You didn't have to get me anything, you know. I haven't got anything for you."

"Well, that's no matter! It's much nicer to give than receive, Mum always says."

"Oh, I see. As usual, I get the short end of the stick."

Lily snorted. "You do realize that you are completely impossible be nice to?" Although she said it jokingly, she felt badly the moment the words left her mouth.

"Well, that certainly explains Potter and his ghastly friends, doesn't it?" Snape sat down on the top step and Lily followed suit.

"Oh, nothing could explain Potter… unless his mother dropped him on his head as an infant." Lily made a small face, eager to steer the conversation away from such an unpleasant topic, which was one of his favorites but which she preferred to avoid. "Let's not talk about him, it's holidays and we don't have to see him until Monday, which is something all of its own to celebrate. Now, open your present." Lily pulled a small parcel from her jacket, wrapped in brown paper with a small sprig of holly stuck bravely on top, and handed it to Severus. He undid the twine, ignoring the holly, and folded back the paper to reveal a good-sized clump of deep green, arrow-shaped leaves.

"Aristolochia rotunda?" He guessed, prodding the expertly dried leaves with a long, spindly finger.

"Yes, or what everyone else calls smearwort. You've been scribbling in that Potions book of yours all year about medicinal potions, I figured it was about time you started making them, eh?" Severus weighed the packet experimentally in his hand, a curious expression on his face. "I know it doesn't look like much," Lily continued hurriedly. "But the apothecary said a little goes a long way with this stuff and—"

"It's perfect, Lily. I've got a new recipe almost all figured out to counteract the burns from the Combuere Jinx; I've been itching to try it."

"I know," Lily said with a smile. She glanced down the street. The sun was sinking into the horizon, its pinkish glow fighting the grey smog for visibility. "I'd best be getting home, I've got to help Mum put dinner on."

Severus stood up immediately. "Let me walk you home?"

"Well, all right, I suppose. If you want to, it's awfully cold."

"Really? I hadn't noticed," he said sarcastically.

"You—" Lily shook her head and tried to give him a disapproving look. Severus extended a hand and pulled her up to her feet. She came up with a small jump, careful not to slip on the film of ice coating the steps and the street, and brushed off the thin blanket of snow that had fallen over her blue jacket. "Come on then, let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

"Time is up," Professor Binns announced, after checking the giant, infallible stone clock embedded in the wall of his classroom. With a flick of his wand, all of the students' essays rolled up like window shades and flew up to form a pyramid- shaped pile on his desk. "I look forward to reading your insights on the role of the German Wizarding community during the Fourth Goblin War. Class dismissed."

The room filled with a cacophony of shuffling and scraping as the students stuffed their bags and hurried to be the first out of the soporific classroom.

"Lily!" Vicky Bradford called from a few rows up. Lily paused and waited for her dorm mate, whose short, black hair flapped as she scurried to catch up. "Blimey, isn't he just the worst? An in-class essay on our first day back! I'm certain I wrote about one of the battles of the Third War instead of the Fourth…"

Lily smiled at her friend's dithering expression. "It's all right; old Binns never actually reads any of our essays. I'm fairly sure that he knows that he teaches the most pointless subject in the school."

"Ooh, don't let Alice catch you saying that, I bet she read about the Goblin Wars all of holidays just for fun."

"Wouldn't surprise me in the least," Lily agreed with a laugh. "Where is Alice, anyway?"

"Oh, probably trying to get in one last snog with Ackley Clearwater before Ancient Runes." Sure enough, Lily spotted Alice leaning against the statue of Horus Crowley, the first Minister of Magic, blushing furiously behind her curtain of wavy brown hair as the lanky Ravenclaw boy whispered something in her ear. She spotted Vicky and Lily heading toward her and gave Ackley a quick peck on the cheek before coming to join them.

"Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Alice said cheerily as she strode up next to Lily. Lily and Vicky exchanged a pained expression.

"Easy for you to say, "Vicky bemoaned. "I spent the first forty minutes trying to remember if Heinrich the Compromiser was from Bavaria or Bremen."

"He was—" Alice began, only to be interrupted by Vicky.

"Oh, please don't tell me, I'd rather keep the benefit of the doubt that I'm not going to be failing History of Magic already. I've got to run to Care of Magical Creatures, see you two at dinner, eh?" Before Alice or Lily could give so much as an acknowledging nod, Vicky rushed off down another corridor.

"If I didn't know better," Lily said as she and Alice caught the staircase swinging over to the South Tower, "I'd say someone cast an Energizing Jinx on her over holidays."

Alice smiled. "Oh, you know she's just excited to get to Care of Magical Creatures—after all, you know who's in that class…"

"Of course, how could I ever forget?" Lily rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she pushed open the door to the Ancient Runes classroom, and she and Alice made their way to their seats, near the back of the room. Lily scanned the left side of the room, and was disappointed to see that Severus' seat was still empty, as were Nicholas Mulciber's and Langham Avery's.

"Remind me again why we took this class?" Alice groaned, pulling Lily's attention back as she dragged three enormous textbooks out of her bag.

"Ugh, don't ask me, I feel as if I'm carrying around enough limestone to build a summer home for trolls."

"All right, all right, settle down, class," Professor Whitby said tiredly as she strode in a billow of blue robes up to the front of the class, which wasn't nearly as rowdy as her tone made it seem. "Here's hoping none of your holidays were as bloody catastrophic as mine," she muttered. "Now let's see, has everyone returned unscathed?" She bumbled over the bits of parchment strewn over her desk, finally pulling one up from the wreckage. As she did so, she waved her wand absently over the mess in what appeared to be an attempt to tidy it, but it didn't seem to have much of an effect. "Wadsworth… Evans… Digsby… Batcombe… Avery…" Her green eyes flashed over the class to note each student's presence, or in Avery's case, absence, just as the door creaked open. Three boys, all wearing the green and silver ties and emblems of Slytherin were foiled in their attempt to sneak into the classroom. "Ahh, Avery, there you are. So nicer of you to bring Mulciber and Snape along too." Snape tossed his head to the side as she glared at him, as if trying to cover something on his chin. "Find your seats and five points each from Slytherin." The boys moved sulkily to the empty desks.

"Sev!" Lily hissed, trying to catch his attention as he passed. Snape shot her a quick, off-putting glance, and turned around to chuckle softly at something Mulciber murmured to him.

"Now, as you might recall," Professor Whitby resumed her droning, "Before the holidays, we dove into the fascinating world of Anglo-Saxon Funthorc runes. Most of you appeared dangerously close to crashing on this particular dive, so I hope you've been practicing, especially if you hope to achieve a satisfactory O.W.L. in this subject…"

As Professor Whitby spoke, Lily noticed something strange: there were words spreading over the blank parchment she had laid out for note-taking.

_Lily—Well, she certainly seems happy to be back._

Lily stared at the parchment, confounded. The cramped, slightly effeminate handwriting looked an awful lot like Severus'. She glanced across the room and caught his eye. "What the…?" she mouthed. Severus put his head down and began writing, and more words appeared on Lily's parchment.

_Lily—Tap the point of your quill with your wand and say 'Scriva Suprarem.'_ Lily frowned skeptically, but followed instructions.

"Scriva suprarem," she whispered. Alice looked over upon hearing the noise and her mouth dropped open. "Shh!" gestured Lily, and Alice nodded quickly, her eyes wide as twin moons. Another line of text had appeared on the page.

_Lily—Be sure to address it to whomever you want to receive it._ Well, of course, that made sense.

_Severus—What happened to your chin?_ He had been trying to keep it covered throughout the lesson, but Lily could swear she'd seen an oddly shaped bit of mottled green and purple.

_Lily—__Nothing._

_Severus—If it's Potter being a prat again—_

_Lily--_ His script interrupted before she could finish. _It's not Potter. Come off it._

_Severus—Fine._

_Lily—So what do you think of this spell?_

_Severus—It's brilliant! Where did you learn it?_

_Lily—Made it up over holidays. Still has a few kinks to— A_ thin stream of black ink shot up from the page and hit Lily in the face.

"Lily!" Alice whispered urgently.

"… with two equal branches on the—Evans, what in Merlin's name is on your face?"

"Ink, Professor," Lily said, feeling glad that at least no one could see her flushing crimson underneath the black on her face.

"Ink, Evans?" Professor Whitby repeated, her eyebrows about to add cover to her receding hairline.

"Yes, Professor. I was taking notes and you know how it is when you've got cheap parchment, little nicks and bumps everywhere, and my quill hit one and spurted ink everywhere."

"Ahh, how very unfortunate. I am, however, overjoyed to hear that you were taking notes. Please, put your newfound knowledge to work and translate the runes on the board for me." Professor Whitby tapped the blackboard emphatically with her wand.

"Er…" Lily bit her lip and wiped at the ink on her face with the sleeve of her robe, trying to buy time. "Well, Professor… that first one appears to be the rune for, er… Gurdyroot, and—"

"Sit down, Evans. Ten points from Gryffindor, and in the future, I'll thank you not to create distractions in class. I expect more from a House prefect."

"Yes, Professor." Lily sat down. _Severus—Thanks a lot_ she scribbled.

"Now class, as Miss Evans has just demonstrated, the general comprehension of the Anglo-Saxon runes is woefully inadequate. Open your copies of Contemporary Readings in Ancient Runes to page 468. You will spend the remainder of the class on a translation of the Thames Scramasax, to be handed in tomorrow." Whitby erased the board with an exhausted flick of her wand and plumped down into her chair.

"The Thames Scramasax?" Alice repeated, opened her textbook to page 468. "There have to be at least thirty runes in this!"

Lily groaned, pulling out a fresh sheet of parchment and opening her textbook. "Can I see your dictionary for a minute?" Alice nodded and shoved the book in Lily's direction. "All right, this one looks like 'wealth,' did you get 'joy' for the second one?"

"Oh damn, I thought the second one looked like 'thorn,'" Alice said with a pout as she bit down on the end of her quill.

By the time class was mercifully dismissed, all that Lily and Alice had managed to decipher was a curious scenario involving a joyful and wealthy hero with a mouthful of thorns in his hand. Defeated, they collected their books and headed for the door.

"Oi, Sev!" Lily called and sidled up to him once they'd gotten out of the classroom. "Hey, how's your day?"

"Dismal," he replied distractedly. "Look, I have to go to the common room with Mulciber; I'll see you later, all right?"

"But Sev—" Lily began, but he was already rounding the corner, indistinguishable in the sea of black robes filling the corridor. She shook her head angrily. "He is just impossible."

"Why do you hang around with him anyway?" Alice asked, not unkindly. "He's always so gloomy, and his hair looks like it's never been properly introduced to a bar of soap. He's a bloody little show-off, too."

"Oh, come off it, he's not all bad. He's always been quite nice to me, well, in private that is. But now he's running with Avery and Mulciber and all that horrid Slytherin lot… I'm worried about him; did you see that great huge mark on his chin? It looked like—"

"I'm sure it's nothing, Lily. Besides, I'm glad he's got friends of his own now, remember last year when he tailed you everywhere you went?"

"I suppose you're right," Lily said, furrowing her brow, and trying to pretend that she really didn't miss Severus being around all the time. "I still don't like it though, I mean, does it have to be Mulciber? He's so creepy."

"Lily, don't worry about it."

"Well, yeah, but—" Lily sputtered.

"For the tenth time, it's nothing to worry about. Now come on, we've got to get to dinner, you know how huffy Vicky'll get if she doesn't get to gloat and swoon all about Care of Magical Creatures with James."

"I can hardly wait," Lily muttered sarcastically. 


	3. Chapter 3

"And ten points to Hufflepuff!" Barny Bainbridge shouted into the megaphone. "The teams are tied at sixty points each. Gryffindor's O'Reilly dives, has he seen the Snitch? Southerland follows him… Oh, it's a feint! Meanwhile, Gryffindor has regained possession of the Quaffle, and Lampard narrowly dodges a very well-aimed Bludger from Parsons. Lampard passes the Quaffle to Potter, and… He scores! Ten points for Gryffindor!" An enormous whoop went up from the crowd.

"I knew he would make it!" Vicky squealed. Her cheeks were flushed pink, and not just from the cold, although it had reached levels that would lead any sane person to stay indoors. But a rousing Quidditch match was just what the students of Hogwarts needed after a few interminable weeks of being cooped back up at school.

"Yes, Vicky, you and everyone else watching the game. I'm surprised Bridget didn't take the shot though, she had a much better angle than James," Lily mused, straining to see the pitch better.

"…remarkable save by Hufflepuff Keeper Peckham, no gain for either side, but wait! O'Reilly dives again! Does he really think Southerland will fall for another feint? Southerland deliberates before taking her chances, but… she's too late! O'Reilly has the Snitch, one hundred and fifty points to Gryffindor, bringing the score to sixty to two hundred and twenty, and Gryffindor is victorious!"

The red and gold sections of the crowd exploded with cheers and chants. Banners and sparks shot out of wand tips as the Gryffindor team circled the pitch.

"Wow, what a great play O'Reilly had, eh? That whole feinting set-up business," Alice commented.

"Well, yeah, but Southerland should've expected it, Wronski pulled the same stunt when Poland played Norway in '58," Lily pointed out as she checked to see if she had all of her things. "Come on, Bridget will be waiting for us." The three girls made their way back up to the castle and into the Gryffindor common room, where they were greeted by a wild-haired James Potter, shooting red and gold fireworks from the end of his wand.

"Evening, ladies," he said, as a group of first-years ducked, barely missing a cluster of red stars.

"Oh, James, you were absolutely brilliant today," Vicky gushed.

"Yeah, it was a pretty good shot if I do say so myself," James said with a grin. Vicky blushed even deeper.

"Yes, well done, Potter," Lily remarked begrudgingly. "But that doesn't excuse you from the rule against fireworks in the common room. Or are rules too mundane for a great star such as you to abide by?"

"Oh come on, Evans, lighten up," James said, with that same devilish grin. "Just having a bit of fun."

"Yeah, well, it's all fun and games until a first-year loses an eye," Lily said curtly. "Have you seen Bridget at all?"

"She went up to change. Unfortunately, she didn't see it fit to ask for my help."

"Oh, you are just—"

"What am I, Evans?" James inquired sweetly. "Charming? Brilliant? Devastatingly handsome?"

"A revolting little git, that's what." Lily turned around huffily and started up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

"Tell Bridget she played well today," James called jovially to Lily's back. Alice and Vicky hurried to catch up with Lily.

"Lily!" Vicky hissed once they had caught up. "What on Earth is the matter with you?"

"Nothing is the matter with me, Vicky, why do you ask?"

"Umm, maybe because you've got to be positively _mental_ to blow off James Potter like that!"

"Or just impervious to his so-called charms," Lily retorted; as she shoved open the door to their dormitory.

"On about Potter again?" Bridget Lampard's amused voice came from underneath the sweater she was pulling on.

"Bridget," Vicky pleaded, the epitome of seriousness. "Darling Bridget. Am I wrong in thinking that Lily is utterly and completely mad to call James Potter a revolting git?"

"Not entirely off the mark," Bridget replied calmly, pulling her thick brown hair out from under her collar and beginning to weave it into a braid. "Though I think 'revolting' is pushing it a bit far, Lily, even you've got to admit, he's far from revolting."

"Oh, so dreamy eyes and glossy hair suddenly excuse a person from acting like a total ass? You saw the hex he put on Severus in Potions the other day, there was purple pus coming out of his feet!"

"Oh come on, Lily, you have to admit that was kind of funny," Alice said, suppressing a giggle. "Didn't you see the way it was spurting out of his shoes?"

"Well, I don't happen to think so," Lily said hotly.

"Look, Lily," Bridget cut in. "Everyone knows that James can be a prat and a half when he sets his mind to it." Vicky opened her mouth in protest. "But he's also—"

"Completely gorgeous," Vicky supplied.

"We'll settle on not bad to look at," Bridget said. "And he really can be quite a laugh when he's not showing off."

"Which is rare," Lily muttered.

"He's really sweet too," Bridget continued, ignoring Lily's comment. "Why, when Andrea twisted her ankle at Quidditch practice the other day, he sat telling her awful jokes and conjuring up pillows for her until Madam Pomfrey showed up."

"He was probably just trying to get her to snog him," Lily retorted loftily.

"Oh, and she did… several times, in fact," Bridget said with a wicked twinkle in her eye. "I'm just saying, he's not all bad."

"No, just about ninety percent," Lily scoffed.

"Well, just don't kill him, that's all I ask. We're going to need him in the match against Ravenclaw." Bridget gave her skirt a final tug. "But unless I'm mistaken, we're missing out on a party down in the common room."

"Quite a good one too, from the sounds of it," Alice added, giving her hair a glance in the mirror. The four girls made their way down the stairs to the common room, where James and another, taller boy with longish, curly dark hair were busy bewitching the flames in the fireplace to alternate between red and gold. Above the colorful fire there glimmered a picture of a black Hufflepuff badger. The students gathered around the fireplace, booing loudly. James made a hushing gesture, then winked and flicked his wand, causing a picture of a proud, golden lion to rise above the flames with a ferocious roar. A cheer went up, increasing audibly when the lion pounced on the badger and began mauling it.

"Oh, honestly now," Lily groaned. "Potter, Black…" She tried to shout above the deafening noise.

"No use, I'm afraid," said the pale, brown-haired boy who had come up next to her. "I tried when they were shooting off Roman candles, but apparently the concept of expulsion for burning down Gryffindor tower means nothing to them. Shocking," he finished with a grin.

"Well, what else is new," Lily sighed. The Hufflepuff badger turned into a Slytherin snake, causing the din to grow even louder, if possible. "But honestly, Remus, they're your friends, can't you get them to listen to you?"

Remus laughed. "Hardly."

Lily shook her head. "You really are the worst prefect ever. You know that, right?"

"Oh, I have no doubts. You should consider yourself lucky though," Remus pointed out.

"And why is that?"

"Well, it could have been James, you know."

Lily shuddered. "Please tell me you don't even think that was a possibility."

"On the contrary, the only reason he didn't get it is because he'll be Quidditch captain next year."

"And because he is…" Lily stopped herself before insulting James in front of one of his best friends. "… remarkably ill-behaved."

"I prefer 'remarkably entertaining,'" cut in a voice from behind Lily. "Though I suppose your version works too."

"Oh, hey James," Remus said, entirely unfazed.

"How did you—" Lily spluttered. "Weren't you just over there making a nuisance of yourself?"

"Ehh, got bored. Unless you'd prefer I continue. Do you like it when I misbehave, Evans?" James asked suavely. Lily glared at him.

"You are honestly the most disgusting person I have ever met in my life," she remarked. "I'll talk to you later, Remus," she continued, pointedly speaking only to Remus before turning sharply on her heel and moving to the other side of the room.

"Oh, come on now," James said to her receding back. "Touchy, touchy."

"James, you do know she's trying to ignore you, right?"

"I'm not stupid, Moony. Poor thing just isn't succeeding very well, is she?" James replied with a grin.


	4. Chapter 4

"…Moonshine for me breakfast, moonshine for me tea, it's moonshine me hearties, it's moonshine for meeeeee," James and Sirius sang heartily as they stumbled up the stairs and into the dormitory room well past midnight. Peter, who had been curled up under his blanket attempting to sleep, groaned and rolled over, trying to block out the noise.

"Really well done today, James," crowed Sirius, taking a swig from the half-finished Butterbeer he'd brought up with him from the party and clapping his best friend on the back. "Cheers." He clanked his bottle against James' and downed the rest of its contents.

"Cor, I'm exhausted." James flopped onto his bed and ran a hand through his already entirely disastrous hair.

"Ten galleons I'm more so than you," Remus groaned, pulling the door shut behind him and stripping off his shirt.

"Yeah, I believe it, mate, you look like hell," Sirius said sympathetically.

"Aww, thanks, pal," Remus replied sarcastically. "Believe me, I know," he continued as he shot a melancholy glance out the window. His face was pale and gaunt, decorated liberally with stubble on the chin and swags of purple beneath the eyes, and removing his shirt had revealed more protrusive ribs than usual, even for the ordinarily skinny Remus.

"Well, cheer up, Rem," James passed his Butterbeer over to his friend, who took a grateful gulp. "Don't forget, we'll be coming along this time. Sirius and I finally got the last kinks out yesterday."

"Yeah, except Peter keeps retaining his tail when we switch back," Sirius grumbled.

"You guys really don't have to do through that," Remus protested. "I'd really rather you didn't kill yourselves on my behalf."

"Like hell we don't," James replied. "We'd also rather you didn't gnaw yourself to death in that pitiful little shack. As your friends, we owe it to you to ensure that you don't die in an incredibly pathetic way."

"So kind of you," Remus said dryly. "But still, it's really dangerous. Especially for you, James. Every time we have a prefects' meeting, Snape's come up with some ridiculous story to try and get you expelled. I'd rather not give him any real material."

"That slimy little shit," James muttered.

"You can say that again," Sirius said. "And to think, I'm running out of horrible things to do to him. Hex, jinx, trip in the hall, etcetera etcetera etcetera." He blew a thick curl of dark hair out of his eye in mock boredom, and then pulled his guitar out from under his bed and began to strum absent mindedly.

"Well, it's hard to do much with Evans just waiting to tell us off for so much as looking at him."

"Wait." Sirius' eyes lit up suddenly and he stopped mid-chord. "James, James my friend, you are a bloody genius." Remus looked up from buttoning his threadbare pajama top to exchange a confused glance with James. "Oh, come on, don't you see?"

"Well actually, no, Sirius, because neither of us is inside your head." Remus finally sat down on his bed, but not without neatly folding his discarded clothes and replacing them carefully in his near-empty trunk.

"Yeah, and thank God for that," James added, narrowly dodging earning himself an empty bottle to the head.

"Evans, you prats. That's how we'll get ickle Severus."

"What exactly are you suggesting we do to Evans, kill her? She'll never go along with whatever it is you're thinking, Sirius," Remus said skeptically.

"Oh, she doesn't have to. James will take care of that."

"Take care of what, exactly?"

"Making her fall in love with you, of course." Sirius gestured emphatically with his pick, before resuming playing, obviously very pleased with himself.

"_What_?" James nearly shouted. "What the hell kind of plan is that, Sirius? You know I can't stand that pretentious bitch."

"Doesn't matter. Look, Evans is Snivellus' only friend, God knows why. Everybody knows he's in love with her, has been since first year. And what would make him angrier than anything in the world? Knowing that his most hated enemy is shagging her." Sirius plucked out a cheesily romantic Spanish phrase and made a soppy, wide-eyed face at his best friend.

"Sirius." James said as forcefully as he could muster without laughing. "I am not shagging Lily Evans."

"Oh, you don't have to be. But just seeing her with you will make his blood boil, and it'll be hilarious to watch him skulk around."

"Yeah, skulk around furiously plotting ways to hex me into oblivion. No thanks."

"James. Think about it. It'll make Severus furious, it'll be hilarious, and you'll get some in the process. What's not to like?"

"It would be pretty funny, James," Remus agreed.

"Then why doesn't Sirius do it? It doesn't have to be me."

"Oh, but it does. Snivelly hates you fifty times more than he hates me, after all those jinxes you've practiced on him, and Evans is already head over heels for you anyway."

"Lily, head over heels for me? Are you mental? She'd probably shoot me if she got the chance; she hates me even more than Snape does. And I can't stand her either," he added hurriedly.

"Oh, stop being such a pansy, Potter. It'll be great and you know it."

"Well…"

"Just say yes, James, so he'll put that damn guitar away. Some of us need to cram in some beauty sleep before we turn into vicious, nocturnal beasts."

"I'll think about it."

"Aww, you're no fun," Sirius said, feigning a pout.

"I said I'd think about it!"

"You can be such a woman sometimes, Potter." Sirius threaded his pick through two strings and turned to set the guitar aside, only to be hit squarely in the face by James' pillow upon turning back around. "Ahh, you little…" He began to chuck the pillow back to its owner, but then thought better of it. "Thanks for the pillow," he smirked.

"Hey!"

"Sweet dreams, Potter. Sweet dreams of sweet, sweet revenge and hilarity of all sorts that will ensue if you just—"

"Shut up, will you?" Remus interjected from under his covers. And for once in his life, Sirius obeyed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Look, James," Sirius said thickly through a mouthful of marmalade-smothered toast. "If you do this, you will be my personal hero. I will love you unconditionally until the end of time. I will have your babies."

"Umm… that's a bit disturbing, to be honest. Besides, keep it down, will you? She could walk in, you know." James speared a forkful of bacon and glanced around surreptitiously to make sure that that had not in fact happened, just in case.

"It would be great, James," Remus wheedled, helping himself to fried eggs. "Blimey, I'm starving." He proceeded to wolf down the eggs as if they hadn't been preceded by six slices of toast, porridge, and a muffin, not to mention two previous servings of eggs. "Seriously," he said between swallow and bite. "If I have to put up with Snape much longer I'm going to stick his greasy head in a cauldron of acid."

"You would not."

"Listen to what the wolf man says, Potter. It's always the worst when the quiet ones snap." Remus almost choked on his orange juice in an attempt to protest Sirius' statement. "Oh, look who it is," Sirius chuckled, glancing over to the door. "Shall I call her over, James?"

"Ha, ha, very funny Sir—" Unfortunately, the willowy redhead had actually entered the Great Hall, Sirius wasn't kidding.

"Oi, Lily!" called Remus. She looked over to where the boys were sitting and Remus beckoned toward an empty seat with his head.

"Remus! What the hell?" James hissed. Remus gave him an entirely innocent-looking shrug.

"Well done, mate," Sirius said, high fiving Remus.

"I hate you guys." James glanced toward the door out of the corner of his eye, Lily was no longer there. "All right, fine. I'll do it."

"Do what?" Lily's voice came from behind him. James kicked himself mentally, and Sirius literally.

"Oh, nothing, Lily," Remus said sweetly.

"Remus, are you alright? You look like you haven't slept in weeks," Lily said, pulling a chair out to sit.

"You know, I'm actually exhausted, I think I'll head to bed now that you mention it," Remus said, jumping up with a fake yawn. "C'mon, Sirius."

"Didn't you just wake up?" Lily raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Nah, we're trying this new thing where we sleep in the morning. You get deeper sleep then, new studies show. See you later, we're still working on Charms together tomorrow, right?"

"What?"

"Oh, guess not then. Bye!" Remus jerked Sirius by the arm and hurtled toward the door.

"What the hell was that?" Lily asked, entirely bewildered.

"Oh, you know, just Sirius and Remus," James mumbled, shoveling bacon into his mouth and attempting to avoid eye contact.

"You're not on the new 'sleep schedule' too? I thought you lunatics did everything together." Lily prodded. Her tone made it clear that she was neither deceived nor amused.

"Umm, uh uh." James shook his head vigorously and kept chewing intently.

Lily perused the spread of food. "Did you take all of the bacon?" James stopped mid-bite and looked at the empty golden platter in the middle of the table.

"Guess I did. Want some?" He asked through a rather large bite, tilting his plate toward her.

"You're kidding, right?" She stared disdainfully at the greasy plate and shook her head in disbelief. "You are disgusting." She stood up and began to leave. Damnit, James thought. This wasn't exactly a promising start.

"Wait!" he blurted quickly. "You haven't had anything to eat yet," he said, pulling the chair back out for her and gesturing toward it. "Please."

"You know, I'm suddenly not hungry," she said curtly, and headed for the door with a supercilious toss of her head, leaving James alone at the table. James slumped into the chair himself, ran one hand through his hair and pounded the other down onto the table in a fist. What had he gotten himself into?


End file.
